adrawingforgemma:

breebird33:

Charlie Chaplin vs. Inception (x)

“Our knowledge has made us cynical; our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.”

Possibly the most epic/inspiring thing I have ever listened to.

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(via essiesbunker-archive)

2 months ago | 3372 notes | you will cry
The Survival Guide

sadisticbiter:

  1. Mirrors and darkness don’t mix.
  2. Actually mirrors are a general “NO”; in creepypasta world, there is nothing more sinister.
  3. There is zero chance of survival if you look at the thing that no one else can see or answer its question incorrectly.
  4. If you are alone at night in a creepy mental institution, take some time to consider what the fuck are you doing there. Then, if it is appropriate to do so, leave.
  5. Avoid going to places where everyone else who went there never came back or died inexplicably.
  6. If someone stops your vehicle at night and asks to come with you, it would probably be in your best interests to politely decline.
  7. Killing is the last method of survival; use it sparingly but without fear.
  8. WHO WAS PHONE is always a good thing to ponder. Also who the hell answers a phone while kissing a dead person’s sexy daughter? A douche is who.
  9. Get a simple .38 revolver. Load it with 2 silver bullets. If you really feel there is no chance to come alive out of a situation, take one shot at whatever’s threatening you. If this doesn’t work, you still have the last shot to become an hero with.
  10. Area 51 is simply too well guarded to let you in. Or to let any alien out.
  11. When going to a hotel, try to steer clear of unauthorized areas. If you couldn’t resist but you saw a red thing, take some time to consider the price range and hotel standard on your next visit. Have you ever stayed at a haunted Hilton?
  12. When booking your hotel stay, Trip Advisor can be an invaluable tool in deeming whether your choice is the scene of a multiple murder/full of dead people/built at the mouth of hell. Local newspapers can also be helpful.
  13. Invoking demons, speaking weird languages and performing rituals of any kind is considered dangerous. Refrain from doing that, especially around abandoned warehouses, churches, psychiatric institutions, forests and mirrors.
  14. When going to a new area, environmental understanding is a key to survival. Ask around for cursed places, legends, dangers and other details. Listen to the local advice, and don’t be afraid to ask if you’re unsure of which attacks/disappearances are paranormal and which aren’t.
  15. Always have a Bible next to your bed. Provides average reading material, proof of beliefs and a really heavy object to throw at enemies.
  16. Don’t count on holy water. Get a sturdy vial of sulfuric acid and let a priest consecrate it.
  17. Japanese priests cleanse rooms by waving katana swords around. Their ritual is also 100% effective on corporeal forms.
  18. If you find 666 messages on your phone, mailbox, email, etc. consider changing the said service provider. Also don’t bother listening /reading the messages. It’s spam. Extra dimensional, possibly, but spam nevertheless.
  19. Old pharmaceutical companies can’t help you. Unless you specifically need “Blood Of The Innocent”, ”Snake Oil”, and “Radioactive Syrup”. Which is never.
  20. If you need to sign it in blood, you do not need to sign it. All mainstream governing bodies will accept contracts signed in ink. Bear this in mind if offered deals that seem too good to be true.
  21. Lighthouses are dangerous. Avoid them at all costs. If you work at a lighthouse consider a career in insurance sales, or veterinary care.
  22. There is simply no reason to listen to music that causes suicidal tendencies, or to watch films that have had strange/disastrous consequences..
  23. If you like to plan ahead and have some money, buy your auntie and uncle a house in Bel-Air. Nothing can harm you there no matter how scared your mother is.
  24. Secret secluded untouched places in old buildings are left untouched for a reason. Pioneers never say die but they have an unusually high mortality rate.
  25. Before you start swimming in the ice-cold waters of a murky lake at the center of a dark forest at midnight, ask yourself if you really want to travel to an ancient and terrifying city. If the answer is “no,” then stay at home and watch whatever quality programming is available on Cinemax.
  26. On your 33rd birthday try celebrating in a well-lit house in the company of others.
  27. Refrain from using the One True Name for anything, there is probably a reason people gave it a nick.
  28. Watching TV static for long periods may be hazardous to your health; try satellite TV to combat this problem.
  29. Get a cat. Those furry little hairballs seem to perceive unnatural phenomena better than us, and if desperate, simply throw it at whatever is about to get you.
  30. Cemeteries are bad places, especially in foggy conditions and on Halloween.
  31. Try not to close your eyes, ever. If you must, do so only briefly.
  32. If you hear chanting, run until you are out of earshot.
  33. If you are too old to play with dolls, you do not need to be anywhere near one of the creepy little fuckers.
  34. Legends can offer valuable insight of where not to go camping with friends.
  35. When babysitting, ascertain the family’s tastes and preferences, to avoid being killed by poorly selected statues.
  36. Even if you are certain that running will not save you, it is always best to try.
  37. Even if the legend you read that convinced you to do whatever satanic ritual you did to summon the demon which is about to rape your ass states that they cannot be killed by bullets, take note that they can likely be wounded. A broken leg is not a figure of speech; it is a fucking leg that is broken. Unless said demon has multiple legs; then you’re probably fucked.
  38. Before you pray to Satan to destroy your soul, you may want to stop and consider whether summoning a demon and getting absolutely nothing in return at the cost of your soul is a good idea.
  39. Think twice before going with your friends on a camping trip into a forest where a mysterious creature is said to reside. A polite “Thanks, but no.” will suffice.
  40. buy a dog. They will defend you to the end, or at least until whatever horrific being you just summoned with the tears of a thousand orphans eats it and shits out it’s reanimated skeleton called gozer the gozerian.
  41. Before going into a mysterious cave with little space and finding mysterious runes written in white, STOP. Ask yourself whether or not it’s actually worth it, then turn and get your ass out as fast as the situation warrants before a deathly creature tries to grab your leg.
  42. If you survive, which is unlikely, make sure you become well known as a insane person who some other poor sap will hear about. They will eventually talk to you so you can tell them how to preform a satanic ritual to summon a demonic being. After this you must immediately stop imitating an insane person so that when they come back with their soul in six hundred and sixty six pieces to rage at you for doing this to them your house will be for sale.
  43. Never EVER accept a game cartridge that you played as a child if it’s missing a label or is old, shabby and has it’s name written on it in marker, no matter how nostalgic you are; it’s a trap!
2 months ago | 48 notes | important

penccils:

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feelings r stupid

(Source: hauntbear, via mxximoff)

2 months ago | 969 notes |

jen-jen-rose:

sometimes people get confused with the emoticons I use so I made a chart

(via a-dying-dream)

2 months ago | 114144 notes | same

caprediem:

iihateurls:

the-absolute-best-posts:

agentbartowski:

STILL ONE OF THE BEST VIDEOS TO EVER EXIST

SEND HELP

oh my jesus.

(Source: tacoposey, via buckiedbarnes)

2 months ago | 205573 notes | ref
Carry On My Wayward Son - Lullaby With Vocals

vvhoress:

Get ready for the feels.

(Source: vettlune, via thekingonhisboard)

2 months ago | 151416 notes | music

iwishihadacleverurl:

everyday-conman:

i just made this my ringtone

(via hella-badblood)

2 months ago | 146278 notes | HERE IT IS FINALLY

bakeddd:

cake batter milkshakes

(via meganemoon)

2 months ago | 1645 notes | food

lavvyan:

shadegarden:

thewritingcafe:

Words and References:

Plot & Structure:

Subplots:

World Building:

Characters:

Dialogue:
Point of View:
Genre:
Names:
History:

Query Letters:

Editing and Revision:

Software:

Prompts:

holy smoke

*wipes away a tear or two*

Beautiful.

(via queenpuffs)

2 months ago | 70125 notes | ref

etchpea:

it’s an interesting summer so far

(via sassbenderr)

2 months ago | 27513 notes | snk free! anime

drinking-for-two:

feng-huang:

kyntello:

image

image

I’ve been waiting for this for so long

It’s completely unacceptable how hard I laughed at this

(via iiasha)

2 months ago | 119942 notes | important
One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.

Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love”  (via mydemisee)

this is really on point except that I’ve never seen Star Wars lol

(via inyourfavouritesweater)

(Source: slambien, via thelifeeofdesire)

2 months ago | 582730 notes | nsfw

castielmilton:

have some general bouncy speech bubbles! feel free to use anywhere (your about me, as update tab, even outside tumblr.), credit is completely not necessary but if someone asks where you got it, please link them to this post! if you have a request for one, send me an ask and it shall be added to this post (no guarantee i will actually make it though, but I’ll try)

Read More

(Source: castielmiltonarchived, via padallecki)

2 months ago | 54 notes | spn

phantomrose96:

torashii:

ledaofthescoutinglegion:

WHAT KIND OF GOLD DID I FIND?

Armin…..

I CAN’T

I…I found my favorite SNK thing ever.

(Source: thebertlbrigade, via mylittlejaegercat)

2 months ago | 30458 notes | snk

3pithimia:

Ok, that is honestly the most honestly beautiful anime kiss I’ve ever seen.

(Source: miikasaas, via madselfiegame)

2 months ago | 39785 notes | ;-;